Hurt.

There’s a well-known saying which, while it certainly holds truth, doesn’t necessarily tell the entire story:

“Hurt people hurt people.”

Yes, behavior is often borne out of experiences of things that have happened to us (or haven’t happened to us). But being badly hurt doesn’t always manifest itself in bad behavior. Sometimes hurt people are simply people who are hurting. And you may not even know it.

It comes as no surprise when I say life is hard. God never promised us a walk in the park with balloons and circus peanuts and a moving musical soundtrack. Jesus even said “In this world you will have trouble.” Isn’t that true? Some people have troubles which are seemingly insignificant, those which are easy to move beyond. However, others have troubles so great it’s difficult to even understand how they are not flattened under the pressure of it all.

But there are a number of those who walk among us whose flames within have faded, barely flickering, and we would never otherwise know it. Specifically, I think of the late Robin Williams. He was a brilliant comedian—always on, always ready to make people laugh. He seemed to be brimming over with joy. He was a successful actor—well-respected, kind, funny, and to all appearances had a great life. However, we now know that this was not quite the case. It’s amazing how many funny people are truly unhappy inside. They hide their struggles and sadness behind a veiled facade of humor. They offer up their funny side as they secretly wither from within.

Like well-trained actors, some people merely mask their pain, regret, or despair by hiding themselves behind a mask. They’ve memorized their lines and make us believe that they have it all together. Or they fly so low under the radar that one would never suspect anything was wrong.

It saddens me to know there are people like this. But it saddens me far more to know we all—each to a different degree— are like this. I’ve had many moments where I donned my happy mask and recited my well-rehearsed line, “I’m fine, thank you…” when in reality, I truly wasn’t fine. My struggles and disappointments were crushing me, but I kept a smile on my face because boys don’t cry. I know now, that’s a lie. Boys should cry. Life will hurt and we have to let it out.

This is why it is so very important that we, with compassion and empathy, love on other people as genuinely and as often as we can. Whether it’s in big ways or small ones, letting people know that they are not alone in their struggles and hurts is so very important. We were created for relationship. The smallest of kindnesses offered to someone are sometimes those which are most precious and sometimes life-changing.

Though some of you perhaps do not share my faith, I have found an undeniable truth in my life. While we certainly need each other and should be concerned and compassionate toward one another, there’s something inexplicably fulfilling through faith and relationship with God; not the dress up nice on Sunday and say your prayers before every meal kind of relationship, but one of true trust and meaning. If you aren’t a person of faith, you might shrug this off and call me crazy, but it’s true. I would invite you to explore the kind of peace that only God provides. Don’t roll your eyes and pass it over just because of the picture of God that other messed-up Christians may have painted. Find out for yourself. Here’s some obvious news…we’re all messed up, and we need hope.

Returning to that quote from Jesus, I find it so beautifully framed between two other verses:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble.

But take heart! I have overcome the world.” —John 16:33

As humanity, we should be looking out for our fellow man. But specifically as people who love and follow Christ, we are called to be like him—to be his hands and feet. We must also be his heart and his shoulder to cry on. We must carry each other’s burdens and share genuine kindness.

So, let people know that they are important. Lift them up as best and as often as you can. Help build their confidence and restore their joy. Be a person to whom they can come without receiving judgment and in whom they can confide. Offer them your ear. Lift them up with a prayer. Do for them what they cannot do for themselves. Simply stated, just love them as you would want to be loved.

And if you are hurting, remember that you are not the only one who feels like the only one. Your very life may depend upon you lowering your mask and asking for help. May you have the strength and confidence to do so, and may you experience compassion, restoration, and joy.