On Monday, January 5th, 2105, one of my high school friends unexpectedly passed away. Rob Gottula was a very kind and personable guy—approachable, likable, caring and unique. When I heard the news, I was in disbelief. My heart broke for his family and his friends. He encouraged me in my writing, letting me know that he appreciated certain things I had said and that they were important to him. I value that. In conversing with another friend, who also was in disbelief, he told me that he was devastated because after a thwarted attempt to get together, he was supposed to meet with Rob on Thursday to talk about life. He was disheartened that he would no longer have that chance. And this reminded me of something I had written concerning another friend and his tragic loss. As you read it, my hope is that you will be reminded of those you love, those you’ve lost, and those with whom you need to make peace. This is for you, Rob.
Ten years ago, one of my good friends lost his son. At the time, however, he did not realize that his son was not coming back—he simply thought he had gone missing. My friend spent the next few years doing everything he could to find him. When he wasn’t working, he was driving around looking for his son’s car, talking to people who knew him, passing out flyers around town and to truck drivers to post in different places as they traveled. For eight very long years, he lived with the weight of not knowing what had happened.
In 2009, he received a phone call that brought him to his knees—his son’s body had been found; the victim of gunshots to the head. His remains were found buried under a wood pile in the middle of nowhere. His killer had kidnapped him, driven him out into a secluded area, and shot him from behind. He then went home, rented a movie, and afterward packed his stuff and fled.
For the next two years, my friend and his family fought to overcome obstacle after obstacle in retrieving his son’s remains so that he could give him an honorable burial and close this terribly long chapter in their lives. Yet, because of bureaucratic legalities and mismanagement by those not necessarily involved in the case, his son’s body was kept for evidence and forensic testing. For two years.
The killer was finally identified. He was, in fact, the one who led police investigators to the location where he had callously murdered my friend’s son. He gave a full confession. Not surprisingly, this coward had also been convicted on a number of other felonies.
Finally, after a very difficult trial (which ended in a quick deliberation and conviction), that chapter was coming to its final pages. The man had no remorse; his soul was so broken and blackened, he said as he walked out of the courtroom, “I’m glad I killed that son of a bitch. He deserved to die. And I’ll kill you two next.” (threatening my friend and his other son).
After 10 years, my friend has finally received his youngest son’s remains—in an urn. He and his family are going to take a short while to regain their breath and the strength it will take to lay their beloved boy to rest.
My friend said something to me that simply cut me to the heart:
With tears in his eyes he said gently, “I remember the day I carried my son home from the hospital. And now here I am carrying him home in an urn.”
What do you say to that?
Do not ever take for granted the life you have been given. Do not be flippantly passive in showing your love, compassion and appreciation for others. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Don’t let words or situations or hurts or misunderstandings or apathy prevent you from embracing and sharing love for others.
Life is so short. Life is so precious. Life comes with no money back guarantee.
Your loved ones could be doing something as unassuming as going to a midnight premier at a movie theatre, or going into what would seemingly be a relatively easy surgery, or simply heading out the door to go to work. We aren’t privy to those things yet unseen.
Please, if you are holding a grudge or haven’t spoken to someone because of a stupid argument you had five years ago, or if you love someone deeply and just don’t often let them know how important they are to you, make peace. Give love. Forgive. We know not what tomorrow brings.
Please share with others