Those Days.

It has been asked many times before: Ever have one of “those days”?

Yep.  Today in fact.  I was drowning much of the day and couldn’t see the shoreline.  The littlest of things felt like giant waves bashing me about and trying to take me under.  It was very frustrating.

The saddest part of it all, unfortunately, is the fact that even though I have an unfailing lifeline to whom I can call at any time, in my struggling I didn’t even consider going there. It’s depressing, really. Considering the fact that he has already proven himself by walking on the water and calming the storm, I am rather ashamed that I didn’t ask for help or trust that it was available.

Even now, after the storms of the day have passed, I am still feeling low.  Blindly swimming against the tide all day without a life vest is draining.

Perhaps the worst part is that in retrospect, many of the waves against which I was swimming were in fact those created by my own doing. Rather than asking for help and allowing myself to be pulled ashore, I instead compounded my frustration with more frustration. I was just adding weight to the anchor which had been pulling me down.

While I am disappointed and spent, I am grateful that I am able to look back and see the ripples of my struggle still there as a remainder of the day.  They are lessons to reflect upon as I consider how my day could have changed had I just let go and given God the distress signal to come pick me up.  I have faith that he would never let me drown, yet in a strange way, I think sometimes he waits for that call.

Now able to objectively gain perspective from the safety and calm of the shore, I can see my weakness and folly for what it was.  Instead of being defeated by the storm that was today, I can try and use it as a reminder that I don’t have to weather things like this alone.  I just need to ring home and ask for help.  That is the life vest I need and should really have with me all the time.

Lesson (hopefully) learned.