Not much will erode your joy or rob you of your happiness more than unforgiveness. It’s a painful, slow poison that cripples your soul, leaving it weak and atrophied. Not only does unforgiveness manifest itself in mental health, but it has been linked to physical problems such as arthritis, digestive issues, immune disorders and even cancer.
When you feel as though someone has wronged you and you do not offer forgiveness, it’s like fixing strong hooks deep within your spirit; you are then linked to that person by a chain of resentment, or anger, or hurt, or revenge. Sometimes, you might find yourself mutually bound to hooks stuck in the other person with unforgiveness linked between each of you, creating a futile kind of tug-of-war in which nobody wins.
Or, you might find yourself painfully dragged around by a hook—because someone is acting maliciously and intentionally, or perhaps they are unaware that you are even attached. Because of the hooks buried within you due to unforgiveness on your end, or those over which you don’t take control and actively remove, you surrender power and happiness—you give others control over your life.
Yet, sometimes you bind yourself in place by unforgiveness toward your very self. You’re tethered to a boulder of regret, disappointment, or even shame. No matter how many times you try to pull free, you are miserably stuck in place because you can’t seem to cut that cord and forgive yourself of whatever it is you’ve done.
Regardless of the scenario, the fact is that if you are living with unforgiveness in your heart or if you allow others to control you through their actions, you are bound to something that will leave you unable to move or act with complete freedom or joy. You are not living the life you are created to live. Why would you do that? The irony is that if you refuse to forgive, you aren’t protecting yourself or punishing someone else; your personal suffering will far exceed that of whomever wronged you.
The good news is that there is freedom from these hooks and chains—but you are the only one who can make the choice to break free. You can find freedom and move on, but it’s a choice you must make. You aren’t able to travel back through time and correct certain events, but you do have power to cut those chains, pull out the hooks, and eventually heal. While it might seem improbable or even impossible, once you allow for true forgiveness, you’ll find yourself wondering why you hadn’t done it sooner. Such a burden is lifted. You can breathe freely again. You are no longer bound up or dragged around. You chose freedom over hooks.
The most beautiful examples of forgiveness come from Jesus. He taught many times on this subject, sharing different parables and examples to show just how important it is to forgive and let go. He’s the ultimate authority on the subject, having asked his Father to forgive the very people who were taunting, cursing, spitting at, reviling, and ultimately crucifying him.
Jesus’ call for forgiveness is one of unconditional release, not a self-serving, conveniently re-defined version in which you manage your hostile feelings rather than extend grace as a merciful expression of love. Listen, it’s very important to recognize that forgiveness does not mean that you minimize any misdeeds nor does it necessarily mean there has to be reconciliation. It certainly does not ignore consequences, either. What it does mean is a surrender of your inclination to seek revenge. The act of forgiveness is the removal of those hooks which bind you to another and release that person from their indebtedness to you. It’s also the release from whatever it is in your past that has ensnared you.
“The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 6:23) To sin means to “miss the mark.” God has set certain standards and expectations for us in His perfect love and infinite understanding of what is good and healthy. We all miss the mark in many different ways—every day. “…for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23). But God’s economy is made of grace and forgiveness. He understands the destructive repercussions of harboring unforgiveness. So, in a way that God can only do, he flips things on their heads and offers up freedom by forgiveness.
Accepting God’s forgiveness does free you from the hooks of eternal death, but it doesn’t necessarily eliminate the consequences of sin (guilt, spite, broken relationships, strained friendships, hate). Grace is the tool that God uses to remove your hooks and repair those things. It’s by His grace—his amazing gift to you—that you can appreciate what has been given to you and more easily extend the same to others. Because of that amazing grace and the cancellation of any debts and wrongdoings, you are called to do the same. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Let there be no mistake, it isn’t always easy. Forgiveness does not seem natural, and at times seems counterintuitive. And, you will have scars—forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetting. While the wounds will heal (some will be less pronounced than others), there will always be scars. If you view them as reminders of the freedom you have from hooks that were once there, you have a stronger ability to avoid taking them on in the future. And, you are able to more easily break free from any other chains which may also have you bound. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. Remember the scars in Jesus’ hands and feet as proof that forgiveness covers a multitude of sins and offers freedom as well as a better life.
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