There once were two very close neighbors (let’s call them Fred and Ted), who seemed almost inseparable. As great friends, they would often confide in one another, sharing their secrets, hopes and fears. One day, while in conversation with another neighbor, Fred began to share intimate details concerning Ted, telling things that were told in private and thought to have been confidential. Soon, as it usually does, the secret passed from house to house with each telling of the story gaining new (false) details.
Ted began to notice that all the people of the neighborhood seemed to be looking differently at him and had become cold and distant. He soon discovered that Fred had betrayed his trust, and when Fred denied it, Ted erected a very thick, very tall brick wall between their homes. However, Ted left a window in the wall from which he was able to see just enough of Fred to shoot him angry looks and grumble wounding words. Ted’s hurt grew into anger, and with each passing day he filled the window with a new brick, making the window smaller and smaller.
One day, Fred called to Ted from the tiny window. Angrily, Ted grumbled, “What do you want?”
“I want you to know that I am sorry, Ted. I betrayed your trust and although I cannot take it back, I truly am sorry. I miss you.”
“Whatever.”
“It’s true. I’ve gone to every house in the neighborhood and tried my best to clear things up. I messed up. Will you please forgive me, Ted?”
“I don’t know. I can’t talk to you right now. Come back tomorrow.”
The next day, Fred came to the wall and noticed that a brick from the window had been removed, allowing him to see a little more of Ted’s face. They exchanged sterile pleasantries and then went about their days.
Each day, Fred would come to the wall to see that another brick had been removed. One day, he approached the wall to see that the window had grown large enough that through which he found Ted’s outstretched hand.
“Okay, I forgive you,” Ted said.
After that day, however, no more bricks came down. The wall was still there. Where the friends were once able to freely come and go into each other’s yards and enjoy a true presence, there now stood a barrier which kept them separated.
“Ted, have you really forgiven me?”
“Of course,” Ted said.
“Well, why does this wall still remain?”
It was then that Ted realized that he was still holding on to hurt and had not truly given forgiveness to his friend. The remnants of the wall were keeping them from a true reunion.
Real forgiveness means being able to tear down the walls you have created so that true relational restoration can begin. Ironically, the wall you thought was protecting you from someone else is actually the wall that keeps you confined. If you continue to add more and more bricks, you will eventually find yourself trapped inside of your own prison cell.
While some hurts are so great that you may not be able to easily take down the wall, don’t continue to add to it and completely seal yourself off. Pull out a few bricks at a time, and eventually you’ll find that the wall will more easily come down. And when it begins to do so, don’t stop until every brick is gone so that when you do attempt to cross over into your friend’s yard, you don’t trip and get hurt.
Forgiveness is hard, but found within it is freedom. It certainly has a much better view than staring at a big, ugly wall.
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